Best Letter of Complaint

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and
read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint
letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had
not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity
of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,
so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to
rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can
have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes
- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a
variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be
transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's
in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my
cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them
the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

As time goes by...

Many things have changed over the last few months.
First of all, I am a fully-fledged teacher since November 2007 which I still have not really realized. It is a quite good feeling to have passed the ridiculous high amount number of tests / exams / years of study to become a teacher here in Germany. We're now in 2008 - one decade ago, I took up my studies. That's ten years of education, education, education. And what for? To start working at a comprehensive school where the proficiency level is so low that you could easily have done the job right after the Abitur. I am not sure whom to blame for the low achievements. Is it the teachers' fault, because they don't challenge their students enough or they don't know how to discipline the students enough and get them working - or are the students really unable to bring about better results?
Apart from the low achievements and the sometimes annoying, loud, mannerless students...I feel comfortable in the job and at the school. That's good.
Besides my job, there are already some good prospects for this year.
1. I have booked my next flight ticket to Thailand.
2. I have taken up my Thai studies again and am currently learning the letters (I need about 2 hours for three letters...)
3. I bought myself a digital mirror reflex camera
4. I will move back to the Bonn / Cologne area in a few months
and
5. I found an excellent Thai temple not too far from my place, where Buddhist festivals take place on a fairly regular basis.

Last but not least, I am determined to practise more English and to broaden my general knowledge, starting with Britney Spears's current mental crisis...

So long....

"Curver"-container exploded during first attempt to cook Thai

"Everything is impermanent", say the Buddhists. And so is my "Curver"-container (similar to Tupperware).
After having watched several videos on Thai cooking at youtube.com today, I decided to give it a try myself. The big advantage of videos in comparison to books is that you can actually observe the whole cooking procedure. Makes it easier to avoid mistakes.
Thus, highly enthusiastic and looking forward to my delicious Thai dessert tomorrow(sticky rice dessert), I started cooking around 9 pm (didn't get very far though).
I love sticky rice and I was quite surprised to hear that you do not have to soak it for a couple of hours as I always used to do. It is enough to leave it for 20 minutes in water, rinse the water but leave enough to microwave the rice in the following for about 10 minutes.
Quick and easy. Good news for me!

I made a very good start: the soaking went well! No problems (well, ok, I could have taken a larger bowl, but apart from that, no problems).
Then, I put the rice into the "Curver" container and closed the lid, which already seemed a bit odd to me, because as far as I know, the microwave heats up from inside and thus causing a big pressure if the air cannot exhaust anywhere. I remember what happens to "Super Dickmann's"



when you try to microwave them.

However - I trusted the Thai cook as she was the expert! So I closed the lid, set the clock on 10 minutes and started the microwave on full power (about 800 watt). After about 3 minutes I heard the first plopp. The lid popped up.
"Well", I thought "I knew this could never work. But well...now that the lid is open, everything will be fine. Yummy sticky rice is about to be ready soon!"

Instead of waiting in front of the microwave, staring into the window which - as mum always said - is not good for my eyes, I decided to go and brush my teeth in the meantime.
Being in the bath, I heard another plopp. This made me think...My feeling and the smell which did not come from my incense stick, made me go to the microwave and STARE INTO THE WINDOW.

Now that was fun. I could not at all remember having used my black sticky rice...

But this was not all. When I wanted to get the container with the burned rice out of the microwave, I got to know that it had actually melted and was glued to the microwave...The bottom was a big whole, the rice was black and reminded me of a brick. I assume, I could menace students with it if they do not do their homework properly ("Teacher throws sticky rice at student. Student dies!").

I wished I had a digicam on hand - I should post a picture to you AND THE THAI cook.
However, I still wanted to have this nice dessert and having destroyed one good container already (which is a big loss for me, because living in my first own appartement, I hardly have any kitchen utensils), why not giving it another try ;) .

The second time (400 Watt, 4 minutes) worked! :)
And my "curver"-box is the best example for the impermanence of things. As a monk once taught me: "Imagine you have a nice cup. Consider it as being broken right from the beginning, because once it breaks, you do not suffer from the loss."
So be it....

Nun or no nun, that is the question

Well, it has been quite a while since my last post and many things happened in the meantime.

First of all, I turned 29 years *wooohh*...old..However, I do not fall into midlife crisis or anything like that. At least not since "Dove" have produced "pro age" products. I belong to the type of women who become older without regrets and who associate age with growing wisdom, knowledge, life experience, INCOME, inner stability, growing fat depots that don't matter because nobody expects a women with kids to have a slim figure (the best thing is: I do not have kids, but growing fat is still allowed...) - become unattractive is widely accepted. It is nearly a have-to! Women who are in their 40ies and still try to look like 20 are considered to have little self-confidence and superficial. I am not like that. I am fully aware that wrinkles are to come soon. My hair has started to fall out a year ago already. But I don't care. I am prepared to get old. I know, I can do it. I will survive. Yeah me.

Second very important point to mention is my new flatmate. We get on quite well. He is easy to handle, that's what I like. The only disadvantage is that he keeps me quite busy so that I do not find the time to prepare lessons for school as planned. But I love him anyway...my new Hp compaq nx6310 . And the mouse...sweet...

Finally, I should mention my trip to Thailand.

Lindi and me in Tuk Tuk in Bangkok:





This has been the third time that I went to Thailand and - as always - I went to a Wat again. Even though I had more mosquito bites than leg and I fell ill in the last days, I did enjoy my stay. I love temple life. Don't ask me why. In fact, if people ask me about my holidays, the only things I can tell them is....:

- getting up at 4 in the morning
- one meal a day
- extremely humid weather
- lot of mosquitoes
- I basically lived on a construction site, as the temple is not finished
- we got jackhammer sounds every day for lunch
- whenever it rained (every day) I could not close the door to my kuti, because the wooden door expanded when getting wet
- I fell awfully sick in the last days, that I nearly slept 35 hours in the last two days.

Construction cite on temple area & a new Buddha delivered:







So, all in all: yeah, it was great. I enjoyed it! Don't ask me why, but I really do feel well there! And I will go back. I have announced my becoming a nun to my friends and relatives already (which would solve the problem with my vanishing hair...). Well, I am not 100% convinced, because teaching conditions in Germany are pretty good and I am not sure whether I want to abstain from further world trips, a nice comfy bed, a hot shower, etc....There are a few things I would miss on a long term, I assume, including the fact that - as a nun - I would not be able to donate anything to the temple. Working in Germany, in contrast, would allow me a fairly decent living.
So here I am, not knowing what is more important: money and financial security or to life in a place where one feels at home in the present moment. How far should one make plans for the future? Should we care about tomorrow, about next year? Where does courage end and stupidity begin?
I do not know and I guess, I will never find out...

8 interesting things about myself

Eventually, I take my time to list 8 interesting things about myself, which I am obliged to do, because I was tagged by Erik.
However, I do not take any responsibility neither do I want to be held liable by any reader of this blog, listener to someone who reads out this blog, uncle, mother-in-law of someone who has come across the following post, any kind of politician or the president of the USA.
Thus - here they are: the 8 interesting things about myself...

1. I always start magazines on the last page and read to the first page.

2. In my spare time, when other people go out, follow their hobbies, read, write, meet up with friends...I basically do.....nothing. No music, no friends, no cinema...just...nothing. People find that odd and boring and they keep on asking me "how can you do that?" and all I reply is "well...it is easy...all you have to do is...nothing." Nobody really seems to understand. [Therefore, it is a bit hard for me to find 8 interesting things about me, because all I do.....you know....]

3. I can live from exactly the same food every single day for at least a year. Usually then comes a time, when I change the side dish.

4. I can contradict myself and still argue with other people who take the other opinion.

5. I can recall details from a book, but do not remember the title, author or overall topic.

6. I am usually interested in things and waste my time on things that no-one else can really understand, like learning the "Preacher song" in sign language (see below) or learning one and the same sentence in 37 languages or practicing headstands and things like that. In contrast to that I am quite bad at politics, history and chemistry.

7. I tend to talk to myself, which is not so much of a problem if I am by myself. However, it can be embarrassing if I have a walk and only realize that "xy" is not next to me, because people are staring in a rather strange way. As soon as I realize, I pretend to be very self-confident and continue talking as if I was just learning an important speech or preparing for an upcoming difficult conversation.

8. I hate doctors and I never go. If I am ill, I lay down and sleep. Usually, I recover quickly. Therefore, I do not need a doctor anymore. If I do not recover by myself within 2-3 days, than I am usually so sick that I cannot walk to the doctor.

So much for now - I am quite sleepy and not very creative at the moment though...

I am supposed to tag 8 further people now. The problem is that I only have one visitor on my page...Well....I will start with Centi...

Stressed out

Wäh (don't know how to translate that)...I am tired. A little bit stressed out. But no..I do not complain, because it is my own fault. I could have started earlier with my thesis. And also - who wants to hang around on Pentecost if one can sit at the desk for about 12,28 hours and trying to do something with that large amount of black letters that claim to be something worth reading but aren't? Luckily, I do have the pleasure to repeat this procedure tomorrow and the day after once more. Yeah me! And what is even better is that my PC does funny things. It simply refuses to safe the design of my documents. Sometimes, it changes the design by itself (check marks are converted into dots etc..). Yeah, funny thing, in'it? Magical...
Apart from that there are no news. At the moment, I am watching a series on tV showing people who decided (for whatever reason) to live like 5000 years ago.
Don't ask me, why. On the other hand..I have always wanted to hunt bulls...

As you all know, women can do several things at the same time. Next to watching tv and typing my blog, I listen to Dido's, WHITE FLAG and Dante's Prayer.

Uh, the news....Doping scandal in Germany!!! That's a big issue at the moment as they found a few bikers who used doping prior to the race. And eventually, one after the other bikers confessed to have used doping as well. It seems as if there was no one doping-free, which (if you ask me) at least equals the chances again. Thus, they should not make such a fuss about it.
A doctor's statement turns the whole thing into a farce: "Oh come on -there is no way that a biker can do the Tour de France without doping. Physically that is just not possible!"
Ugh. Embarrassing.
Jan Ulrich seems to be loosing his face in these days, because he refused the doping for years and now his doctor has told the media that he himself gave Ulrich the injection. .... Oh well....

Enough for today.

GOOD NIGHT AND MAY YOU ALL BE BLESSED.